Trust

Dear Vince,

Today has been rough. And yes, this is actually my first letter to you. But I figure people wouldn't understand why I am writing now so just hide or dispose of my letters (yes, I'll be sending more soon) after you've read them.

So as I've started, today has been rough. But I'll focus on trust issues I've encountered. Is it hard to trust someone? Is it hard to trust me? Well I could say I do not fully trust others, in that I still have secrets of my own, but I do trust them. At least far more than I do other people, much more than a stranger or acquaintance. Why do I trust them that much? Well, I take a gamble, or more specifically a calculated risk. Probability still plays within the situation, but I choose to risk saying the things I would have in secret be told. In one way, it is my way of expressing. I express when I trust, I trust therefore I express. For someone as I, either is hard to do, and doing either entails doing the other, and doing either is hard and takes a lot of courage and calculations.

I do know that I couldn't control the other part of the equation. Should one trust me, it is his (or her, but will be using generic term elsewhere) decision. Although I could invoke my trust for him, it is still his decision after all. Each is entitled to do things his way.

I do not know if you've mentioned about your leaving the country for good to me, or if we've agreed not to talk about that matter. So I am confused if you do not trust me so as not to tell, or if you are just doing as agreed. I do not trust my emotions saying it is the former.

On a note, I do not know if writing here, in this medium, would entail that I am violating someone else's trust (although I have thought of that and have included no details, just concepts, here).

But then, today is still not over. For now. And I will just let the day pass, before saying my last words for it. There is still much time left.

PS. This isn't what you think it is. Calculated, weighed, derived. Three words.

Greeting good night,

an nun knee moose